


not quite a walk in the park

by bertererei



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Foul Language, Implied Violence, M/M, how not to do first impressions with Eren 101, injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-09-24 07:28:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20354671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bertererei/pseuds/bertererei
Summary: "Who the hell asks someone out on a date when they have a head injury anyhow?"





	not quite a walk in the park

**Author's Note:**

> Porco wanted to know why Marcel got another Modern Day AU. This was my answer to him. And now Marcel is smiling at me from the other side while asking, “So when is my Canon Divergence AU coming?” To which Porco replies with, “And what about my multi-chaptered Modern Day AU story?”
> 
> >_> Someone take these brothers away please.
> 
> Warnings: University AU. Implied violence. Injuries. Alcohol. Foul language.

If Porco is being honest with himself, he didn’t really care all that much about hookah in the first place. But Pieck put her hands together to beg them to come because “It’s not fun if I go alone!” And because Pieck said it, Annie agreed. Bertolt, that dumbass, stared at her and agreed to go, which in turn meant Reiner would go. And when Marcel shrugged and Colt sheepishly said that he wanted to at least try it, Porco would have become a villain if he refused to go along with it.

And look, he gets it. They have alcohol here, too. So it’s not even like they can only do hookah at the place.

But that’s not really the problem. 

It’s not even that he thinks hookah is unhealthy or whatever either. Hell, if he actually cared about his health, he’d most definitely be more careful about the amount of fastfood he stuffs into his mouth. So no, it’s not a concern about health. 

He just… doesn’t like to smoke things. 

But he’s not a party pooper. And he really doesn’t want to ruin Colt’s first time at a hookah bar with his bad attitude. So the first chance he gets, he excuses himself and takes a step out of the bar.

If he was a smoker, this would’ve been the perfect time for it. But then again, if he was a smoker, he would probably be enjoying himself inside the bar with his friends. 

He should’ve just said no and not come. This is so awkward.

What’s he supposed to do now? Walk around the block? For how long? Someone’s going to report him for being so suspicious if he makes too many rounds! So what should he do?

While considering his options, he walks into the alleyway.

And is assaulted by what looks like a rag that reeks of alcohol. It hits his chest and falls to the ground with a wet splat. 

Porco scowls. 

What the hell? Who the hell thinks that this is okay? He turns to see who must have thrown it and sees a vague silhouette of someone sitting against the alleyway wall. And ugh. How much did that person drink? The smell of alcohol is thick!

“What took so long, asshole?” the person on the ground growls. “Get me my shirt back.”

Is… this guy talking to Porco…? And shirt? Does he mean this rag?

Without really thinking about what he’s doing, Porco leans down and touches the rag. It’s wet. Wet? Well, of course it is, he scolds himself. He smells the alcohol in the air, doesn’t he? And the rag definitely smells like alcohol and… wait, there’s also another scent… 

He takes a step away from the rag and squints at the guy. It kind of look like the guy is sitting in a puddle of something. Is that the cause of the smell? This dumbass spilled alcohol all over himself and tried to wipe it off by using his shirt?

“Hurry up!” the guy snaps.

“It’s wet! I don’t want to touch it!” Porco snaps back.

There’s a small pause as if the guy didn’t expect that. Then he tries to squint in the darkness to see Porco clearer.

“You’re not Jean, are you?” the guy asks slowly.

“Nope.”

“Fuck,” the guy groans. “Hey, I’m really sorry about that. This horseface friend of mine… Jean was supposed to get me chicken nuggets and fries. I thought you were him. Shit. Sorry. C-can you just… return my shirt to me?”

“If I do, what are you going to do with it?” Porco asks.

He thinks he might’ve seen the guy shrug. “Stop the bleeding, probably.”

Stop the…? 

Porco sucks in a breath and forces himself to release it. Okay. This is possibly the weirdest thing that has happened to him in a long while, which is saying quite a lot given his friend group (By that, he really means Pieck). But if this guy really is bleeding out (and that suspicious puddle on the ground is actually his blood and not alcohol), then Porco shouldn’t be wasting any more time.

He takes off his jacket and then his shirt.

“Aw, that’s disappointing,” the guy dares to say.

“Huh? What is?” Porco asks.

The guy seems to be motioning at Porco’s chest?

“You a girl or something? Why would you wear a sleeveless top under your shirt? Consider the viewer’s feelings, won’t you?”

Porco has half a mind to walk away. He reminds himself that he’s not a murderer (even if this would be indirect murder) and throws his shirt at the guy’s face. He puts his jacket back on.

“Oh, thanks,” the guy says. At least he understood Porco’s intention.

He then bundles Porco’s shirt and holds it against his head. 

And fuck.

“You have a head wound?” Porco asks in disbelief.

“Uh… Yeah, I guess so.”

This guy is much too careless at a level that makes Porco’s own head ache. He rubs his temples and forces himself to take a deep breath.

A head wound, huh? What horrible luck. According to the K-Dramas that he likes to watch… B-by that, he means educational TV shows that he likes to watch, the best way to help someone with a head wound while waiting for help to arrive is to keep them talking.

“What’s your name?” he asks as he comes to squat before the guy.

Now that he’s this close, he smells iron that denotes blood. But the smell of alcohol seems to overpower it. The puddle is as he first suspected; it’s alcohol. Just what happened here? Did this guy get injured and poured alcohol on himself to disinfect it? Then why is there a puddle of it?

The guy is shirtless, which Porco supposes he should have expected given the situation with the rag… er shirt. And that reveals a really well toned and muscular chest that has definitely seen its own fair share of fights. Porco can’t really tell if some of what’s on this guy’s chest are blood or sweat or alcohol. He doesn’t really want to get closer to check. He's not a creep, alright? Just because he's checking out a very good looking person doesn't make him a creep.

“Huh? My name? The hell you need that for? What? You fell in love with me or something?”

“No, you idiot. I’m keeping you conscious by talking to you. C’mon. This is a good way to make sure that you don’t have memory loss or something. What’s your name?”

“I’ll tell you if you tell me yours.”

“Porco Galliard.”

The guy clicks his tongue as if he didn’t expect that. Then with a small sigh, he says, “Eren Jaeger.”

… Well, this is just great.

When Porco couldn’t figure out how to convert differential equations to polar coordinate and Marcel was too busy with his own assignment to help, he found himself knocking on the office door of his Professor for his Calculus II class, Zeke Jaeger. The two, of course, ended up getting horribly sidetracked somehow and talked on and on about their brothers. 

So yeah. 

Porco knows who “Eren Jaeger” is.

“You’re Professor Zeke’s little,” Porco groans. 

Eren lets out a small puff of breath that doesn’t quite sound like a sigh or a laugh. “You one of his students? He’s not going to give you extra credit because you helped me out or whatever. He’s really strict about that. In fact, he failed a few of my friends, just because. I mean, yeah, they showed up drunk to his class. But they were trying, you know?”

“No, I’m pretty sure that was your friends’ fault.”

“What? You’ve never shown up to class drunk? Straight-laced kid, huh?”

Porco is not a delinquent by any stretch of the imagination. But to be called “straight-laced” by someone who reeks of alcohol while suffering from a head injury isn’t exactly all that flattering either. 

“What about you?” Porco growls. “Show up to classes drunk often?”

“Of course not! Zeke will be heartbroken if he hears something like that from his coworkers.”

It seems that this guy cares as much about his brother as Zeke does back. That’s good. It really did look like Eren was Zeke’s whole world from their discussion. It would be too depressing if it wasn’t reciprocated to a certain level.

“What’s with that? Aren’t you also straight-laced?” he grumbles.

The puff of breath this time is most definitely a chuckle. “Never said I wasn’t.”

“So how’d you get like this? You’re… You’re covered in alcohol and have a head wound. Got any other injuries?”

“Uh… Probably? No clue. That part happened really fast. There were some guys drinking somewhere with bunch of bottles. I tried to join them? And assholes got violent. So I beat them up.”

Porco stares at Eren’s sorry state. “Yeah, totally. You sure showed them.”

“Hehe. Yup! I was super cool. If you were there, you would’ve been totally jealous.” 

Is he purposefully ignoring the sarcasm? Or is this just how he normally is? 

“Yeah. I’m totally jealous,” Porco agrees with his voice thick with sarcasm.

Eren nods, possibly proud of himself. Then he pauses. “You’re being sarcastic, aren’t you?”

Porco quickly changes the topic.

“So you called your friend Jean to come pick you up? Isn’t it better to get your head looked at at a hospital?”

“My dad’s a doctor. So it’s fine if I just go home. I’m sure whenever that asshole finishes getting the chicken nugget, he’ll be here in no time.”

Porco nods. As long as there’s a plan, he can relax and just keep this guy talking until that Jean guy gets here.

“So what’s a straight-laced guy like you doing here?” Eren asks him.

“Nuh-uh. I’m the one asking questions. We’re here to make sure you don’t have brain damage,” Porco reminds him.

Eren sighs. “You’re such a damned tease. I can’t ask anything about you and you won’t even take off your shirt.”

“Don’t phrase it like that. And if you’re so damned curious, come find me after your head’s all better.”

“Then how does bungee jumping sound?”

Porco blinks slowly. “You… what?” he asks eloquently.

“Bungee jumping. You and me. How does… uh… this Saturday sound?”

“Today’s Saturday,” Porco corrects. “You mean next week?”

“No. Tomorrow-Saturday.”

Is this guy crazy?

“What about your head injury?”

Eren chuckles. “It’ll be all well by then!”

No, that’s not how human healing works! 

“I’ll go with you only after you show me proof that your injury is 100% healed,” Porco decides.

“Oh.”

… What the hell does that mean? Is that a happy “oh?” Is it a disappointed “oh?” Hey, don’t say something so suspenseful and leave Porco just hanging!

“You’re the easy type that just agrees to a date with a stranger just because they pushed a little,” Eren says when Porco demands answers. “I bet you get asked out like this all the time, huh?”

Actually, this is the first time Porco has been asked out. If people approach him, looking like they want to ask him out, it’s usually them asking his help to ask Marcel out. He’s long ago made peace with it. It can’t be helped. They might look similar, but in the end, Marcel has a more likable personality between the two of them. And…

Wait, no. That’s not what he should be focusing on.

“You're asking me out?” 

There’s a small pause before Eren bursts out laughing. “You’re… hahaha! You’re so weird! You couldn’t figure that out?”

“No, I couldn’t! Who the hell asks someone out on a date when they have a head injury anyhow? Stop laughing! You’re the weird one! A-and where’s your friend anyways? How long ago has it been since you called him?”

“Uh… A long while.”

“Then they should be here by now, right?” Porco asks. 

Eren shrugs. “Jean’s an asshole.”

Please make better friends.

Porco feels that if he were ever sitting in his puddle of blood with a head injury, then even Reiner would come running to help him out. He can’t imagine that someone with Zeke for a brother wouldn’t… Wait.

“Hey, when did you make the phone call?” he asks slowly.

“Uh… It was a little after Biology, I think.”

“And when do you have Biology?”

“Around 10 in the morning.”

If Porco develops a migraine, it’s going to be because of this guy. He just barely resist the urge to stand up so he can kick Eren.

“So you didn’t call anyone for help after you got injured?”

Eren shrugs. “No need. I’m fine. Besides, it’s about time Jean tracked me down with my chicken nuggets.”

“What? He a dog or something?”

“No, no. He’s most definitely a horse. Er… stallion? Armin said it’s important not to hurt his feelings.”

You know what? This discussion is clearly going nowhere. Porco pulls out his phone.

“What are you doing?” Eren asks. He actually sounds uneasy now.

“Calling emergency services. Even if you think you’re fine, you have a head wound. That needs to be checked out by a professional.”

Eren goes quiet, and Porco mistakenly believes that he’s convinced the guy. He can’t be more wrong. Eren kicks him lightly, just enough to make him lose balance. And the minute he sees Porco flailing, he grins. Eren grabs Porco by the front of his jacket and yanks him forward. Just to make sure that he doesn’t end up crashing into someone with a head injury, Porco braces himself by slamming his hands against the wall on either side of Eren’s head.

Green.

Damn, those are some really vibrant green eyes. No wonder this guy was certain that he was fine. There’s so much life in his eyes. And what's with how long and pretty his eyelashes are? Should a guy look this pretty? Or does Porco only think that way because they're in a dark alleyway together? So if they're under actual lighting, Eren wouldn't look this good? He dismisses that notion immediately. People with that kind of well-toned chests are without a doubt good-looking. Look no further at himself and Marcel for more examples.

Porco is too busy admiring Eren’s face to realize Eren’s true plan. And yeah, he gets it. He’s an idiot. He should’ve seen that coming the minute Eren kicked him over. 

Except who the hell expects to get kissed in this kind of situation?

Eren’s lips are soft. Soft and warm and-

Wait a fucking minute!

Porco shoves Eren off. “What the hell’s wrong with you?!”

“Can’t make a call if you’re distracted,” is the haughty answer with a grin.

If Porco was a scummy human who had no qualms about taking advantage of people, he probably would’ve gone in for another kiss. But as it is, he’s a very dedicated person who-

“Hey, just… don’t call the emergency services, alright? There’s no need to bother them with something dumb like this.”

At the very least, Eren sounds concerned about this. No more of this haughty grins are on his face. It makes Porco want to consider what he’s saying more seriously.

“Why do you think emergency services exists if not for times like these? You have a head injury. Do you understand how serious that is?”

“Yes, yes! I know! I told you, my dad’s a doctor! I’ve seen fatal wounds, and this is not that. It’s fine. If you’re that worried, go buy me something to eat. I’m hungry.”

Maybe this guy is just against the emergency services? Porco can’t make heads or tails of it. But he also can’t just ignore this guy’s tantrums.

“Then why don’t I call Zeke?”

Eren freezes for a second. “Please don’t do that,” he whispers, voice low. “I don’t want him to worry. Look, this is really nothing. Don’t involve others-”

But Porco doesn’t have the knowledge to take care of people with head injuries. Even if Eren doesn’t want this, he needs to get his head looked at. If his dad really is a doctor, then this should work out, right?

Porco covers Eren’s mouth with his hand. With the other hand, he scrolls through his contact list until he sees Zeke’s name pop up.

“Hello?” Zeke’s voice is anxious when he picks up. Has he been waiting to hear about where his little brother is? 

“Professor Zeke? This is Porco. I’m currently with your little brother. He’s been hurt but he’s refusing treat-” 

Porco just barely holds back from yelping when he feels what has to be Eren’s tongue against his hand. Eren gives him a sullen glare as if to challenge him. But Porco refuses to back down now.

“Porco? Is everything alright?”

“Y-yeah. He insists that he’s fine. But it’s a head injury, so I’m not sure how to proceed. Can you come pick him up?”

He gives Zeke the address of the hookah bar with the instructions to come look in the back alleyway. Even when Zeke thanks him immensely, Porco doesn’t feel all that great. He hangs up and turns to the troublemaker.

“What is wrong with you?” he hisses as he pulls his hand away to wipe the saliva.

“Right now? You.”

Eren shakes his head, looking annoyed. Then he tries to stand back up, so Porco pushes him back down. Just a little, he notes that there seems to be a cut on Eren's leg. Is that why he's sitting in a pool of alcohol? He tried to disinfect that cut?

“You’re not running,” Porco growls.

Green eyes glares at him. “I take it back. You’re not cute. You’re a menace.”

“… You think I’m cute?”

Okay, that was probably a dumb thing to focus on. But it’s rare for Porco to be called cute, alright? Especially not at his age. He finds it more flattering than he should.

“Obviously not anymore,” Eren grumbles, crossing his arms. “I told you, I’m fine. The hell you gotta get involved for? Everyone else just walked on by without glancing at me.”

“And because that’s what everyone else does, I have to do it, too? Don’t be stupid.”

Porco comes to lean against the wall by Eren’s side. This way, Eren will actually have to try if he tries any tricks like k-kissing Porco or something.

“Besides, you said so yourself. We’re going bungee jumping next week. So you have to focus on getting better by then.”

He makes a point of not looking at Eren, even when he feels those green eyes lock onto him. There’s a beat of silence before Eren bursts out laughing again.

“Pfft… Alright, alright! You win your ‘cute’ title back. Hahaha! I’m going to get better in no time, so you can’t refuse me when it’s time.”

“Yes, yes. Get better first.”

And now that they’ve gotten that out of the way, Porco is going to return to keeping this guy company until Zeke arrives.

“So what’s your field of study?”

*

Zeke arrives about five or so minutes later, looking like he might have broken a few speed laws to get here. His face falls when he sees Eren’s form. But the minute he realizes that Eren can talk just fine, he relaxes.

“Thank you so much, Porco,” Zeke says.

“It’s not a problem. Just keep an eye on him. I don’t trust him when he says that his head is fine.”

Eren pouts at him. “Liar. If you were really worried, you would’ve called emergency services.”

“You told me not to call them. Because your dad’s a doctor,” Porco reminds him.

Zeke makes a face like he knows all too well what his brother must have said. He pats Porco’s shoulder. “Thanks again. It must have been hard to deal with him.”

“He’s a brat, but he’s… pretty charming when he wants to be,” Porco admits quietly so that Eren won’t overhear.

But somehow, Eren must have, because he sniggers. Porco just barely holds himself back from kicking the guy. He settles for shooting Eren an exasperated glare.

Porco helps Zeke put Eren into his car. It’s not until he’s waving the two of them away that he realizes that he probably spent quite some time dealing with everything. He should probably head back into the bar in case everyone’s worried, huh?

As he’s heading back, he sees a girl in a party dress run down this way with an officer in tow. 

“I don’t understand! He had a head injury. Where did he go?” she cries out, looking stressed. The officer tires to comfort her, but she seems too agitated.

It’s none of his business. But he gets the feeling that this girl might be looking for Eren.

“Who are you looking for?” Porco asks.

“T-there was this guy… E-earlier, when I was walking by, some guys grabbed me a-and pulled me into an alleyway. And t-this guy showed up and f-fought them off. He was so cool, but he was hit on the head when I left to look for help. B-but he wasn’t there. He’s not anywhere! I’m not making this up! He saved me! He really did!”

Oh…

So that’s how Eren ended up sitting in this alleyway. And knowing how badly he protested being taken to emergency services, he probably wanted to avoid a run with the police, too. Porco doesn’t really get why. But he grudgingly admits that it’s pretty cool of Eren to have saved someone. Even if it’s stupid that he’s refusing treatment.

“I just sent that guy to get his injury looked at,” Porco tells her.

Her eyes are wide as she grabs him by the jacket. “So he was injured! How badly? The other guys came at him with a wine bottle and a knife! I should have-”

“Hey, calm down. He’s okay now. He’s… Ah, I don’t have his contact information. But uh… If you go to the local university and look for ‘Eren Jaeger,’ you’ll be able to thank him in person.”

“Eren Jaeger, you say?” the officer asks. “Figures it’ll be Jaeger again.”

“He do things like this often?” Porco and the lady ask.

The officer nods. “He’s a bit of a local hero. But if it’s that guy, then you don’t have to worry. We can easily get your thanks to him. He’s a bit shy when it comes to recognition, though. That must be why he hid.”

Porco believes that.

*

“Yo! I’m back!” Porco announces as he sits down.

“Welcome back,” Marcel greets him. “We’ve just gotten started. So you’re just in time.”

… Huh? Just in time?

“What are you talking about? Wasn’t I away for like hours?”

Pieck shakes her head. “No. I think it was max 9 minutes.”

All that happened in less than 10 minutes? No way…

“Why do you ask?” Colt asks, glancing at him curiously.

“Oh, I just… met this guy and agreed to go on a date with him.”

*

Porco blinks at the sight of Eren waiting for him before the start of his calculus class come Monday.

The green beanie hat that Eren wears makes it impossible to tell whether or not his head injury is all better. But he’s sipping what looks to be coffee (or maybe it’s decaf tea?), so he must be feeling better, right?

He must have sensed that Porco is staring, because he glances over in Porco’s direction. He grins widely and waves. 

And wow. 

Porco thought that Eren looked pretty good (and that his green eyes were intense), but now that he can actually see it with the help of the fluorescent lights of the building, he realizes that he might have been understating just how good Eren looks. Damn. He really lucked out in that dark alleyway, didn't he?

Porco jogs up to Eren.

“Yo! So apparently I have a concussion, so bungee jumping this weekend is off. Instead, wanna go to the aquarium with me? Detective Levi gave me tickets yesterday for some reasons.”

The tickets are probably from that lady that Eren saved. But Porco isn’t going to be spill the beans. Their local hero is shy, you see.

“Yeah sure. Let’s exchange numbers while we're here.”

*

The aquarium date, by the way, ends up with the two of them “arrested” for trying to touch an orca whale, but that’s a story for another time.

_ Fin. _

**Author's Note:**

> Just saying, if you ever have a head injury, go get that checked out. Don’t mess around with things like that, guys. Stay safe.


End file.
